Dear Joe,
People think that I have a happy and near perfect family, having devoted parents who love and care for me. But being cared for is not enough. As a very young child, I was already made aware that everything was not right with my father. My mother was not the inquisitive or jealous type.
My father can come and go without any word of complaint or question. If ever she did ask, she readily accepted without any doubt whatever my father told her. I guess this is the reason why I got to be very keen in observing his moves and could detect easily when he was lying.
When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I used to hear my father talking in whispers on the phone to another woman. This went on for many years until now. Last year I saw him in a mall with a woman. They were careful not to appear together but my husband and I knew better. When he saw us, he was really very agitated and denied to death any wrongdoing. There are many more different incidents attesting to his unfaithfulness that are too numerous to detail.
The last straw broke when he came home with a TV program listing bearing a motel room number. He said that he got it from the said place where he casually passed by. What a nerve and lack of respect for him to say that to me. I am not stupid. The following day I called the said motel and after some stories I made up, I found out that my father was a regular customer. Deep down I knew his relationships were not platonic, but it still hurt to know that I was right.
Joe, what must I do? I want to confront him because being in limbo is so difficult. I hate the fact that he is such a liar and hypocrite, pretending to be a good and devoted family man when in fact he is such a chronic womanizer. I am even planning to have him investigated to gather hard evidence which he could not deny once I confront him. I am just waiting for the proper time to tell my mother about this. I want to spare her the hurt but she has to know the truth. Please tell me if what I am planning to do is right. Right now I am full of hurt and anger towards my father. My trust, love and affection for him have long been gone. The last remnant of respect which I was desperately trying to hold on to disappeared last night.
I hope and pray that unfaithful men out there will realize the pain they cause their families. Physical hunger can be remedied but emotional battery brought about by infidelity take such a long time to heal.
Sincerely yours,
JR
DEAR JR,
A lot of people sacrifice what they have in exchange for what they are made to believe will bring them true happiness. For many, happiness is simply doing the things that they love to do. I don’t see anything wrong with that. But there are many times when what we enjoy doing are not necessarily good or times when we try to make only ourselves happy. When we find joy at the expense of other people’s sorrow, that is selfish happiness.
JR, you have the right to speak about what you feel. But don’t let anger carry you away with words and actions that you may regret. As a daughter, you deserve to be told the truth. If your mother keeps silent about this, then she may have her own reason. Talk to her and share your feelings. Families are all about sharing all that is good and bad so that we could learn and grow together.
This story reminds us of how acts of selfishness can devastate families. We should never allow ourselves to be miserable all our lives simply because someone didn’t do what we expected. People we love will fail us but we don’t have to fail with them. Members of our own families will hurt us but we should never sow seeds of anger that will bear bitter fruits. No matter how much we are deliberately hurt by the people we love, let there always be room for understanding, forgiveness and acceptance in our hearts. Only then can we move on one step ahead without having to feel bitter over the things that we have left behind.
