DEAR Joe,
Hello and God’s blessings be with you. I’m Mavie, 26 years old, working in one of the international companies in Manila.

I’m really confused, Joe, and lives are at stake. You see, Mark and I have been together for eight months already. All of our friends as well as our families approved our relationship. They thought that we were so lucky to have found each other, maybe, but as the saying goes, not everything is what it seems.

You see, Joe, I have a boyfriend for two years now, before I met Mark. He is Bryan and we’re still together up to now. Maybe you’re going to ask why? Bryan is married when I met him at a friend’s party two years ago. There were times when I felt like giving up especially when his wife found out about me and really got angry  calling me names and cursing me to hell and back. But as I say, I really loved Bryan so I waited and sacrificed.

It was when I met Mark that things turned upside down. The sad fact is Bryan is always threatening suicide every time I tried to break it up with him.

I’m starting to know Mark, and several times when we have a fight, it seems that I am having second thoughts if I really love him. He has this attitude of not talking to me for days and  when his anger subsides, it’s as if nothing has happened and he’s becomes  the same sweet, caring, thoughtful person that I loved from the start.

During these fights, my refuge was Bryan, because with him everything is different. I feel so loved, accepted and cared for.

Up to this time, Bryan and I still see each other. His marriage with his wife is already annulled and he is just waiting for my decision. Mark has already proposed marriage to me and I accepted it not knowing what else to do. He already bought a house for us to live in when we get married.

Bryan, on the other hand, is expecting that we will leave the country to be with each other to start a new life.

What will I do? I’m so confused. I really love Bryan. Mark, on the other hand, has no clue of Bryan’s role in my life, but I know when he finds out, he will have no second thoughts of leaving me.

What do I do, Joe? Whom do I choose? Sometimes, I just think to go the easy way and not choose any of them, just thinking it will be my karma for getting in to these mess and ending up hurting a lot of people. I am so confused right now, even my work is affected already.

I don’t know what to do Joe, please help. I don’t have anyone whom I can tell my situation because I know they wouldn’t understand. Please help me, before it becomes too late.

Thank you in advance and may you continue giving your advice to those who are in need of someone they could let out their feelings without being judged.

Sincerely,
MAVIE

Dear Mavie,
It seems that you have  been trapped in a situation that is really very difficult  to handle.

Committing yourself to two men at the same time is a very delicate matter especially if they are both  serious with you. I know that the hardest part of being  torn between two people equally important to you is  when you have to choose just one. Who would it be? The man who knows everything or the man who you have kept a very  devastating secret from.

Mavie, I have always been a very strong advocate for honesty in relationships. I believe that unless we can openly express who we are, good or bad, can we truly  say that we are secure in a relationship. Most relationships  are strained by misdeeds that were either purposely or unintentionally  done. When our partners do things that they know would hurt us  and we find out about it, we feel  cheated and  disrespected.

But then, this would be a great challenge to our love for those persons because   one of the most conclusive tests to relationships is when one person intentionally does something that he or she knows would hurt us bad.  Our reaction  and eventual acceptance or  refusal will spell  out clearly where our relationships  stands.

Mavie, I believe that Mark deserves to know truth even if it hurts. You cannot lie to him forever. This would also give you  a clear picture of his true feelings for you. Whether he would accept or deny you  would depend on how much he truly loves you.

Bryan, in a way, has already proven that, because he was able to accept you in spite of having a relationship with another man.

Mavie, ask God for a sign. The man who stays is the man who loves you .  If they both stay,  then you have to make a choice. One of them is bound to get hurt but that is just the way it is.  Sincerely ask for forgiveness for your misdeeds  but don’t carry the burden of  guilt that they will try to put on your shoulder for hurting them.

They are responsible for their own lives and well being. Whatever they do out of their devastation is their decision. It’s their choice, not yours.

Mavie, this is not as helpless as it seems. There is  a way out of this mess. You just have to be honest and openly  accept the consequences of your actions. There is one person meant for you and you will know it only when you lay down all your cards and reveal to them  who you really are.

Good luck Mavie and I hope you’ll  find the man who will love you for what you are and all that you have been. 
 

Be part of the Lovenotes community. Visit www.lovenotes.com.ph