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DEAR Joe,
I’m 19 years old and I’m in a relationship with a guy six years my senior.

My boyfriend is the elder brother of my friend and he is in a relationship with his long time girlfriend of four years. I knew it because I see her whenever I visit my friend. I fondly call him kuya whenever we bump into each other.


After several months I received a text message from him telling me that he misses me. I texted him the same, and the rest was history. Even if I knew that he was committed I still  continued to nurture my feelings for him. I just don’t know Joe, but that was what I felt that time.

I know he felt the same way for he has proven it to me many times. Joe, we are about to celebrate our first anniversary, would you believe that?  Not all of my friends know this because I know most of them will not agree or understand. One of my friends even asked how I can stand knowing that there is another girl who often sleeps in his house after work.

Joe, I am so confused. I tried very hard to make this relationship work. I can’t blame my boyfriend. It was my mistake falling in love with him. But, what hurts is that he’s always telling me that he needs time because it’s not easy to leave her.

I know it is difficult but I have already given so much. I know the longer I allow myself to be in this relationship, the harder it will be for me to let go.

I thought of leaving him but I know deep inside hindi ko kaya. We cooled off several times but we still ended up in each others arms. Please, Joe, help me. I do not know how to handle this anymore. I knew right from the start that I got into this relationship on the wrong foot but what can I do now. Now that I am deeply in love with him already.

I hope you can help me with this, I really need your advise.


Always,
Angela


DEAR Angela,
They say that sometimes, the best way to show our love for someone is to set them free, even if it means that we are going to be left alone.

The hardest part of loving is letting go.  I  believe that there is no point in holding on to someone  we cannot keep in our hearts.

Your boyfriend probably makes you feel that he loves you. But the fact is, he loves his girlfriend more. It is as simple as that. A man can make a thousand excuses not to be able to break it off with someone. I don’t think he has any intention of leaving his girlfriend.

He is one lucky guy because he enjoys  being in two relationships without having to worry about one party who might find out. You got into this with your full knowledge about his girlfriend and with your full consent to this kind of arrangement.

Angela, you are making it too easy for him to betray his girlfriend. He is in a commitment with her and he is just into a relationship with you. There is a big difference between the two.  

You know you are on the losing end. Angela, I don’t think that love alone is enough reason why you have  to keep yourself tangled in this three way relationship. The longer you stay,  the harder it is to let go and the more painful it is to turn your back on him. But I don’t think there is no other way but out.

I don’t see anything wrong in loving, but choosing to love a person in a relationship not meant to be doesn’t promise anything except heartache and pain. Unless your boyfriend proves to you that he really loves you by choosing you over his girlfriend then I don’t see any sensible reason why you have to stay.

Angela, give yourself a chance. You deserve someone who can love you with as much commitment as you have for  your boyfriend. If you truly want to be happy then don’t stay in a relationship ruled by selfishness and greed.  Remember, only those who know how to let go when it’s time to let go, even if it hurts,  can move on and  find the love that may stay in their hearts forever.

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