I’m one of your avid readers in Inquirer Libre na matagal nang nangangarap that one day mabigyan mo din ng advise about heart matters.

Every time I read your featured story, nakaka-relate ako lalo na kapag friends turn to lover or reconciliation. And I imagined myself na binibigyan mo ng advise. And now, I would like to hear it from you.

I’m 22 years old and currently working in a government office in Manila. I met Pete when I was in college.  He was my speech instructor and I can’t deny the fact that he’s very fluent in English, intelligent and of course good looking.

He started courting when he was still our instructor and we became officially on after a month. Our relationship met trials and challenges we never thought we can surpass. After these tests, we thought we have that security and a very strong foundation that could face any challenge that would  come our way.

After his graduation everything started to change. He became preoccupied with his work. We very seldom see each other and talk on the phone. I stand for what I believe in for the past five years, that he loves me. But last year, I couldn’t stand it anymore. He’s always busy with his work.

I don’t blame him for that because I know that he’s the  breadwinner in his family.  All I want is just a little time for the both of us. He kept on promising me that he will make up for his lost time but I always end up waiting.

There were times that my trust in him was put to several tests but I have always believed in what he says.  Until my friend Greg told me that he saw Pete with another girl. She’s one his friends. But why are they together? What are they doing in the mall? Why does he have time for that girl and none for me? These questions kept bugging me.

Then came another girlfriend of mine who told me that she also saw Pete with another girl and the girl was holding his arms as if she was his “girlfriend.”  It really broke my heart, Joe. I felt like it was the end of the world. I thought he was different. But I was wrong.  Why did he do this to me?  I asked him if it’s true but he kept on denying those things. 

And I decided to break up with him but he refused to.  He said that he loves me.  He wanted me to give him another chance to prove his worth but it failed several times. Our communication stopped for a month.

I became close with one of my officemates, Yuri. I confided with him my problems. He gives me advice and comforts me. At first I only considered him as one of my very close friends. But it was changed when my friend Ana told me that we both have same interests like cooking and listening to old songs.

I felt something for him that I can’t explain. He’s always teasing me and makes fun of me every time we see each other.  I want to keep this feeling that I have for him because I know that it will do us no good.  I dream of him most of the time as if there was something in us that we are hiding from each other.

In my dreams he loves me.  I heard rumors that he had a girlfriend but when we asked him if its true he just smiles at us. I felt like I’m falling in love with him. I believe actions speak louder than words but I’m afraid of what I feel because falling for him now will make things complicated.

I don’t know if I feel for him because of my frustrations with Pete. All I know is that I’m happy when were together.

Pete and I are now trying to patch things up but I’m afraid for another failure. I’m tired of our arguments. But still I love him. But I don’t know if this love will be enough to put us through our relationship. He seems not ready for any responsibility.

Joe, help me. Will I continue understanding and hoping that there’s still another chance for the both of us or be true to what I feel for Yuri and let it grow until such time we realize that we really love each other?

Thanks a lot for the time.


Sincerely yours,
Nicole


DEAR Nicole,
It seems that you are caught between reviving a dying relationship and nurturing a new and promising one.

This is a case where hard decisions have to be made because you simply cannot aspire for both of them. Rebuilding a relationship from a lost trust is  very difficult because you have to take away every doubt that  lingers in your mind. You have to believe in Pete again and put away any thought that would  make you doubt him.

On the other hand, Yuri’s silence may mean that he has a girlfriend already and even if it is evident that he likes you, you would still be entering into a complicated relationship where you may find yourself hurting in the end again.

In any case, this simply puts the fact forward that there is always a risk in getting into and being in a relationship. Saying  “I love you” is not enough anymore. Promises are broken  and vows are put to the test everyday.

Being in a relationship is a constant struggle to keep  the love and  make the excitement of being in it endure. This is no easy task. We sometimes get to a point where love simply becomes inadequate to prevent us from experimenting on new relationships.

Nicole, if you choose Pete then you have to forget dreaming of a relationship with Yuri. If you choose Yuri then you have to stop trying to put your relationship with Pete back to life. If you choose yourself then you would just have to let go of both of them and let time tell you who’s really meant for you.

Nicole, let us always remember that sometimes we just have to stop pushing ourselves to love or be loved by someone. Sometimes we just have to be alone to be able to think  what we really want in life. To be able to realize what or who will really make us happy. Sometimes it is only when we start loving ourselves that we are able to realize that  real and lasting happiness starts from within ourselves  and it  becomes even more complete when we share it with someone who loves us more than we love that person.