DEAR Joe,

I met Don when I was in elementary. He was a cousin of my cousin, not entirely related, only through the marriage of my aunt. He was always nice to me, teasing me like an older brother and playmate. We’d laugh over almost anything. Since we share common cousins, I usually  join their family gatherings at Laguna, his hometown. We eventually got really close  to each other. 

During his grandmother’s wake, what started out as a casual conversation turned into courtship, which eventually led to us being in a relationship. 

At first, things started out okay. I’d go to his place after school, from Taft Avenue to Laguna,  and spend as much time with him as possible. I even got closer to his family, most especially his mom, who naturally assumed that we’d end up spending the rest of our lives together. But then he started to change, calling me less and finding excuses not to see me. 

It hurts so much, Joe, knowing how much I love him, how much I sacrificed for him. I tried everything to salvage our relationship, kept asking myself where I went wrong, attended all their functions upon invite of his family all to no avail. 

After a few weeks, I saw him again at his cousin’s birthday. We talked and it seemed we were going to be ok. He was as sweet as ever. But before the night ended, things got even more confusing when he started spending time with his female friends than with me.

When I couldn’t take it any more, I asked for his sister’s help, setting up a meeting at his place where we talked. That’s when he finally blurted out that our differences in life, my family’s outlook and my upbringing, were the reasons why our relationship could never work.

I tried begging him to reconsider. He apologized profusely, trying to convince me that I deserve someone better than him. I felt as if I’d go crazy that night, Joe. I didn’t even notice that it was dangerous for me to go home at midnight by myself.
I felt as if my life was suspended on air. I thought I would never look at love the same way again. And a few years have passed since then.

One day, I heard from our common cousin that he was leaving for the US She urged me to see him one last time to put an end to this misery and close this chapter of my life. We talked and even made love. We wished each other the best of luck and then we parted ways. Up to now, I haven’t heard from him. I don’t think I ever will. Wherever he is right now, I wish him well. All I have left are just memories of him. I hope this bittersweet memory would serve as a sign of how much a person is willing to give it  all for love. 
 
Thank you and more power.
 
Nicky

DEAR Nicky,

There are times when  no matter how much  we show our love and give so much of ourselves to someone  we still cannot find enough  reason to understand why  those we give it to  don’t seem to  care about  us.
  Don must have loved you in the beginning but when he began to  weigh your differences, he realized that you were probably not the kind of person that he would want to spend the rest of his life with.  

When we  start  measuring  the value  of  someone , quantifying and qualifying the kind of person he or she is,  we lose grasp of the real essence of love. Real love doesn’t look at reasons to love. When we truly love a person we would just love that person regardless of what he or she  can or cannot give us back. When we  love  someone  for a reason  then we become easily bound to fall out of love when that reason is gone.  It has been said that the greatest measure of love is  in its ability to continue loving even when we cannot find a reason to love someone  anymore. That is the real essence of love. When we can  think of one reason not to  love a person then we will not be capable of truly loving because  love doesn’t  keep a scale of what it can gain from a relationship. Real love is unselfish.

Nicky,  Don put weight  on the kind of person he thinks you are and the kind of family he thinks you have. He doesn’t love you. He can only love you if you become the person he wants you to be. And you cannot be that person. You shouldn’t even be that person. You are who you are and you should be loved not for what someone wants you to be but for  who you truly are. 

Wish him well and move on with you life. Let your bitter sweet memories remind you  of how much you have loved but let it also remind you on how much beautiful it would be if that love is shared  with someone who will accept  you for  who you are and love you not for what  you can become but what he becomes because of you.