Dear Joe,
 
I had been in a four-year relationship that my parents don’t know anything about. When I was in first year high school I took the risk of breaking the rules in our house. I got into a relationship but in spite of that I was able to get good grades.

When I was in third year high school, we had a huge fight because of his best friend who simply acts as if she was his girlfriend. I never really got along with her and so my boyfriend and I broke up. It took a long time for me to recover. Or should I say I did not at all. But the good thing is we got back together

Joe, it was when we’re in college that we had bigger problems.

In high school, being together is not really a problem because we were studying in the same school and were classmates. In college, we studied in the same university but in different campuses. At first we thought we could overcome the distance. Compromises were made and we did survive for some time.

But we separated again. He turned me down because he said he was somewhat contented being single. So I bid him goodbye and tried to move on with my life.

Joe, after that, I became so messed up. I tried entertaining other guys but I guess I could never fool myself. I knew I was just wasting their time. I knew in my heart that I still loved him very much.

Six months later, we got back together. I thought everything was going fine. We seldom saw each other but we made the most out of our time together. I tried to be a patient girlfriend. I never complained if he didn’t call me or if we only met twice a month as long as we kept in touch through text.

I didn’t even complain even if he didn’t treat me the way I should be treated. I tried my best to understand that he was very busy. I did my best to do the things that would satisfy him. I did everything! But still my efforts weren’t enough.

He called me one Saturday and said that he was giving up. He stopped answering my calls. He even turned off his cell phone. I asked him for the last time why  he wanted to give us up. He just said “I was falling out of love…” That really hurt me so much. Joe, I cried the whole day. Questions started to flood my mind. Why does he have to fall out of love? Am I not really worth it? Where did I go wrong? What else did I have to do? Why couldn’t he love me the way others do? Why can’t he treat me as his girlfriend? Why does it have to end this way? Why can’t I just forget him? Why can’t I just hate him?

I was really devastated. I didn’t usually drink but after that incident I learned how to drink more than what I can handle. Good thing my friends got me back on the right track.

After that day I realized that he’s not worth the tears. I realized that its useless to trash my life because he doesn’t even care about it. He never shed a tear, he just went on with his life.

I convinced myself that  we’re really through. That I won’t be affected the next time we see each other. That I’m over him. I won’t cry anymore for him. I thought I was brave enough. But right now I’m scared. I’m afraid to discover in the end that I’m just fooling myself. I don’t want to cry anymore. I had forgotten how to do it and it scares me because what if I started to cry again and I never stop? I don’t want to be miserable again. I want to move on. I want to forget.

Some say acceptance is the first thing to do. I guess in that case, I moved up another level. I’ve already accepted that he doesn’t love me anymore. There’s no room  hoping for a reconciliation for I know there won’t be any, because I don’t think there’s any love left for me.

But Joe, I’m missing him right now. I miss the old times. A friend said it’s ok as long as I have accepted things. But I really miss him. The thought that he has somebody new right now makes me feel sick. I know I’m hanging on to the strength that my friends are giving me but I really don’t know until when can I be brave.

Sincerely,
 
Damsel  

DAMSEL, it is true that acceptance is the first step to moving on. But I have always believed that we can never forget the person we love. You must have accepted that he doesn’t love you anymore but have you really  asked yourself if you feel the same way? I guess you really haven’t gotten over your feelings for him.

Acceptance will put one foot forward to the road of recovery. But the only way to move on completely is to get the other foot out from the love that binds your heart to him.

For most of us, there will always be a past that will remind us of beautiful memories that we wish would come back to life. But the difference between those who have found real happiness and those who are  tirelessly  searching for it  lies in their ability  to stop living in their  past and  wishing for the things that could have been. Happy people are those who know how to accept the verdict of the past  and forgive themselves for  being part of it.

When we have loved and failed, we have to grieve for a while and then learn to  stop loving that person. Only when we are able to do  that can we open our hearts anew and learn to love again without having to be burdened by the guilt and the regrets of  the past.