DEAR Joe,
 
I’m an 18-year-old college student in one of the state universities here in Manila.
My friends always ask me why I still don’t have a boyfriend. I just say, “walang magkamali eh!” But the truth is I’m  afraid, Joe, afraid to fall in love and get hurt.

I guess I can handle it until a friend introduced me to John on the phone. I don’t know but I just felt very comfortable with him. He would often call and text me. I  was overwhelmed by the time he spent talking to me, listening to my stories, asking if I’m ok and reminding me of eating my meal on time. He never forgets to give me a ring  to say good night. He even calls me “beh”. And I don’t know why I let him call me that way. He’s acting like a boyfriend and I admit I really found a “boy friend” in him, Joe.
 
It’s been like this for a year, talking only on the phone. He has seen my picture in my profile on the Internet. But I don’t have any idea how he looks like. One night he asked me for a date. He told  me that he wants to see me in person. But I refused. I was so scared. I didn’t want to see him because I might completely fall for him.  After that, I thought he will stop talking to me but I was wrong. He was still the same. I asked him why he still continues to call me after what I’ve done. He just said that he understands me. He even told me to take my time, that he’ll just wait for me.

But soon, his calls became less frequent. He told me he got a job and was very busy. I started to miss him a lot. I miss his jokes. It went worst when  he didn’t call me for three weeks. I missed him but I did not make any effort to call him. I’m afraid he might not want to talk to me or I might disturb him. I don’t want to tell him anyway. I don’t want him to know I’m missing him because he might assume I have feelings for him.
 
I got busy in school and I forgot him for a while until he called one night. I told myself that I’ll tell him that I want to see him. But he sounded different. He sounded so excited. I asked him why. Then he answered with happy voice , “Beh, may girlfriend na ako!” I was silent for a moment. Then he asked me, “Aren’t you happy for me?”

“Of course I am happy for you, congrats!” I answered. I tried to hide the pain i felt inside. I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t know why I was hurt. I did tell him I wanted to see him. He told me how they met and the whole story. I can’t help my tears from falling. I was glad he cannot see me.
 
I couldn’t sleep that night Joe. I know everything happens for a cause. But I don’t know what it is. Did he come into my life only to teach me how to love? It really hurts terribly. This is what I’m afraid of. I thought I could control my feelings. I was wrong. Can this be love, Joe?
 
Since then, I refused to answer his calls and text messages. I don’t want to have a connection with him anymore. My friend is asking me what  happened to us. He told me that John is asking for me.
 
I’m keeping  myself busy in school but I can’t get him out of my head and heart!
 
What should I do Joe? Should I continue to avoid him? Did he ever love  me or have I expected too much? Should I let him know what I feel for him? I am confused. Please help me, Joe.

Sincerely,
Sheng

DEAR Sheng ,

I have seen how most of us have wasted a lot of  precious opportunities to tell the people we care about what we feel for them.  Our fear gets to the better part of us and keeps us from expressing ourselves. We are often misunderstood because our actions do not speak of what we truly feel inside.

Sheng, I don’t see any reason why you should avoid him. It is hard to know if he loved you  but I am definitely sure that he liked you. Don’t think that just because you’re a woman  means you cannot  tell him what you feel for him. You are friends and friends should be open and honest with one another.

Saying what you feel may not bring about a miracle but it will definitely free you from this bonding feeling. Often, a power of good is done just by letting a person know that we like them. And there is nothing wrong with  liking someone. It is what we do or what we don’t do when we like a person that dictates the fate that  befalls us.

I hope Sheng’s letter will remind us that honesty is  the best foundation with which beautiful friendships are made. It is only when we speak what we feel that people will truly understand us. And when they do understand us, we don’t have to worry about being right or wrong because we know that we will be accepted not for what we stand for but for the honesty that we have shown.

Sheng, don’t end you friendship just because he’s in love with another person. Don’t be afraid to love and to show  it . Be honest about what you feel and just let time take you to where your heart truly belongs.