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Dear Joe,
I’m Anna and on my mid 30’s and residing here in Canada. I created this e-mail account for my private use since my husband, Allan, has an access to my other e-mail account.

I also use this account to communicate to Bong, my best friend in college.

Allan and I have been married for seven years and have two kids ages 6 and 4. I have a college friend named Bong who at that time has a girlfriend named Malou. Bong revealed his true feelings for me but I have always been cautious with my feelings because I know for the fact that he is committed and my classmates are close to his girlfriend. I don’t want them to think that I’m the reason for bong and Malou’s rocky relationship.

Bong is sweet and honest. He is a person na hindi mahirap mahalin. After college, we continued to communicate. We go out on dates and he tells me how delicate his on and off relationship with Malou is.

When we both started working, I met Allan and after two years of going steady, we decided to get married. Bong and Malou already got married a year ahead of us. I thought I have finally gotten over him and I also know that he no longer feels something for me.

Allan was the first one to migrate here to Canada and after a year we followed. During Allan’s absence, I thought of calling up Bong to ask how he is. Joe, he confessed that he still feels something for me and I also admitted to him that I’ve been in love with him since we were college. Every time we talked over the phone we always say how much we love one another, how much we miss each other and we always end up wondering “what if kami and nagkatuluyan?” I know na mali pero the more na pinipigilan ko the more that I miss him. Joe, it even came to a point that I miss Bong more than I miss Allan. I always think of him and always anticipating his calls. And when he does, happy ako as in kinikilig parang bata.

We’ve only met four times during that year. On our first date, we just had lunch. Then, we had dinner. We never talked about our feelings because both of us have been avoiding it. But, our last two meetings have been very intimate as if all the love that we have for each other during college and our everyday conversation about what we feel towards each finally came all over us. But,  there was no penetration at all...purely kissing, hugging and touching lang. We have control pa rin over doing the biggest mistake. But, it was still wrong to have allowed ourselves to  commit adultery. To tell you honestly nagi-guilty din naman ako pero at that time mas lamang ’yong feelings ko for Bong...and during those times parang walang mali parang it was meant to be. Now I understand what mistresses feel because I’m already one of them.

I think I’m okay now having settled here in Canada with Allan. Bong and I e-mail each other but I’m trying to lessen that as well and I know Bong is doing the same thing. I know that it is not fair to both Allan and Malou. I know that I’m at fault here because I’ve allowed Bong to be open regarding his feelings. I should not have entertained it. Joe, I should have discouraged him.

I just hope that he would be happy. He has problems with his wife who is quite dominating and doesn’t want to listen to what he’s got to say. As for me, I’m happy that Allan and I are together now. I hope that I would finally get over Bong. Joe, I would like to ask if I should still communicate with him through e-mail or should i just stop so as to help myself and to help him as well forget what we have and what we feel for each other?  Should I e-mail him regarding my thoughts so as to be fair to him?

Hoping for your kind reply.

Anna

ANNA, sharing your thoughts about this with Bong would definitely enlighten him. I know that sometimes it is very difficult to keep our focus on just one person specially if a part our heart still longs for someone else. You are married to Allan but somehow you are still entertaining the thought of having a relationship with  a married man. You have come to the point of unmindfully living a part of your life as if you were still single and uncommitted. Remember, no matter how miserable Bong’s life is with his wife, that doesn’t give any of you the reason  to disregard  the fact that you are both married and have families of your own.

Being away from him would help you a lot in trimming down on your communication which obviously keeps your fire burning. But not distance nor time can change the way you feel for him. The change should come from you. No matter how right being with him and thinking about him  feels, it is still unfair to your families. We simply cannot be truly happy at the expense of our own  family’s happiness.            

Anna, just think of how blessed you are and be thankful for having a wonderful family. Let Bong fix his own life and do not make it harder by trying to fix it with him. Live your life looking ahead and not looking back at what could have been. Remember , the best gifts the we can give our families are our undivided  love and attention. Quote this article on your site