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Dear Joe,
In my 23 years of existence I have never had a girlfriend despite me having courted numerous girls. When I first met Ivy, there was neither magic nor sparkle. She was cute but I was not attracted to her. As months went by we became really best friends. No one has ever made me feel good about myself but her.
Joe, it did not take long for me to fall in love with her. I suddenly wanted to spend each waking moment with her. She was flattered with the kind of attention that I gave her but considered me to be nothing more than a friend. I continued to court her and did practically everything she asked. I did not care if other people thought that she was taking advantage because there was really nothing for me to expect from her. I don’t think that I have loved anyone as much as I have loved Ivy.
Then Ivy met Nel, an honor graduate from UP whom she easily grew fond of and constantly dated. I listened to her every story about falling in love with this guy while my heart was being torn into pieces. I soon had bursts of jealousy which made us quarrel a lot. But, she never gave up on me and always accepted me back as her best friend. I blindly continued to do favors for Ivy that benefited Nel because I loved her so much. She assured me that they were not yet going steady even though it seemed that they were.
Last March, she headed up to Baguio with him and a couple of friends. I even helped her find a good place to stay. While they were on their way I called her a few times just to ask how she was. It surprised me to receive a call from Ivy asking me to apologize to Nel and to assure him that I wasn’t checking up on her. I didn’t see the logic of me having to say sorry to some guy that I didn’t even know. I refused and we had a heated conversation which made me very furious. After some thought, I decided that it was best to end my friendship with Ivy.
When Ivy called back, I told her not to speak to me again. I slammed the phone on her and pulled my phone off the hook knowing she would call back to curse. She later e-mailed me and expressed her hatred and anger. A week after that incident I realized that what I did to her was wrong. I wanted to apologize and admit my fault but Ivy told me to leave her alone because there was nothing more for us to talk about. Joe, I lost Ivy, the one person I cherish the most. We still aren’t on speaking terms. I have had sleepless nights thinking of Ivy, crying and blaming myself for everything. I hate myself, Joe and I am still hopeful that we’ll end up together. I feel so empty and lonely now, even though I still have my friends. There was a time when I could not imagine my life without Ivy. Now, I’m living it in reality.
Joe, please help me find my way back.
Sincerely,
Ice.
DEAR Ice,
It is true that we can never force love on anyone. No matter how much we like a person, we cannot instantly make that person like us too. Even if the greatest friendship has all the makings of a romantic relationship, there is still a world of difference in the chemistry involved between friendship and love.
We all experience some sort of romantic attachment to another person at one time in our lives. It is that time when we strongly believe that we can make something more out of a genuine friendship which could eventually lead to an intimate and loving relationship. But the fact of the matter is that there are a great number of times when the person we want to be involved with doesn’t see us as someone he or she would like to have as a romantic partner. Though friendships can be strong foundations for lifetime relationships, many turn sour simply because people fail to see the sign that says “this is where it stops!” They take advantage of their proximity and move further to a point where they begin to intimidate and invade the privacy of the other person.
Ivy wanted you to leave her alone because you are beginning to act like her boyfriend even if you are not. She is tired of arguing with you over and over again because you always put up a fight over someone she is attracted to.
Ice, you might have all the valid reasons to be jealous because you love her. But you cannot justify your behavior because Ivy sees you only as a very good friend and nothing more. I have seen people who have wasted years blindly hoping for a relationship that they knew would never happen. Many of them have been given signs long beforehand that there is nothing more to expect. I guess they were just too obsessed with the idea of living a life with their dream partners even if they knew that it was only a remote possibility.
Ice, as long as you compare her with the other women that you meet everyday, you will always feel that emptiness inside because you will never find anyone exactly like her again. But even if that's the case, if you believe in yourself and in your capacity to give the kind of love and attention that you have given Ivy, chances are you will find someone who's not like her but someone better than her in many ways, someone who will appreciate you, thank you for your efforts, and love you just the way you want to be loved.
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Guy wants to be more than a best friend
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Dear Joe, In my 23 years of existence I have never had a girlfriend despite me having courted numerous girls. When I first met Ivy, there was...
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Dear Joe, In my 23 years of existence I have never had a girlfriend despite me having courted numerous girls. When I first met Ivy, there was...
